Today was Skyler's 5th birthday party. Skyler is my cousin, Jason, and his wife, Grace's, son. He is also one of the most photogenic children to ever live. I took a bunch of pictures, but I don't have permission to post any of the family. If Grace found out that I had posted any without asking, she'd track me down and beat me to death with Lincoln Logs.
Mom and I picked up Misty and the girls, then headed south. The girls had me sing Rammstein the whole way down, which really helped my sore throat. We got there right on time, meaning we beat everyone but Grandma, who always gets there a half an hour early. The rest trickle in late. I am beginning to think this is by design, as we always tend to traffic jam right at the door saying hello as if we are meeting for the first time. We also take off our shoes.
Guess which are mine. (Hint: they don't have flowers.)
After we visit a bit, and look at pictures of Grace's brand new niece, we eat. Now, up until this point everyone that has seen me for the first time since Christmas has been floored by how much weight I've lost (I guess it's made a difference). So Jason decides to try and "Fatten me back up" by giving me a slightly larger portion of sandwich.
Guess which is mine.
After everyone eats and gets comfy, and I nearly explode, we settle down and have Skyler open his gifts. This is the usual 5 year old gift opening fare. Clothes get tossed aside, while Star Wars droids get idolized. The obligatory Veggietales dvd reared it's ugly head too. You can't escape them. Oddly enough, the biggest hit was some dollar store plastic ball thing that stretches. I swear, I'm just gonna wrap some crumpled up tinfoil and give it as the greatest gift ever.
Next is beat the holy hell out of the pinata time. This is always fun, especially when we do it indoors, in the middle of the living room. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time, it sent me into a coughing fit that wouldn't quit (RHYME!), but I couldn't stop. I was sitting on the floor, right in the danger zone as sugar crazed kids swung a bat at Spongebob. Anything for a good picture. I only got hit a few times, which made people laugh even more. Cruel family. The scariest part was when Grace grabbed the bat. I wasn't sure if she was gonna hit Spongebob, or Jason, either would've been fun.
Let this be a lesson. Don't hide candy and quarters up your ass and wander close to children. They are bloodthirsty and can sense these things.
Finally, things wind down a bit. Kids go off and do whatever they do when we aren't looking. Adults sort themselves into groups and have five conversations at the same time. I sit in the middle and try to listen to all of them. This is a skill I have perfected over the years, because it's inevitable that one or more of them will turn to me and assume I know exactly what they are speaking about.
Eventually it comes time to leave, so once again we traffic jam at the door, saying good byes, see you on Easters, and going to war with shoes that wont seem to be put on.
The drive home was long. Rammstein was once again requested, but I put the volume down low, because by this time all the other hours of the day morph into one giant monster that sits on my shoulders and taunts me, "It's only 4:30, not time yet! You must wait!". I can't wait to leave that monster here in Oregon when I leave. Feed on something other than my mind.
We get home, and I am greeted by an HOUR LONG QUEUE!!! /punches the air.
But as always, the wait is worth it. Today was a good day.
Rob blesses us with one of the best mistells ever. (Notice my genitals hot button. Yes, it was important enough to be on the main hotbutton page.)
Does this count as posting lewd photos of your ex?
