Happy Birthday

You turn two today. You will smile, laugh, and probably get cake all over your face. All the while completely oblivious. Oblivious to who I am and how the fact that you exist has changed me. You are not mine, never were nor will be, but you have no idea how ready, how close, I was.

You woke me up. Your mother had a big part to play in it, but I think it was you that really lit the fire in me to do something. I wanted to be something you wouldn't be disappointed with, something you deserved. While I'll never be anything to you, I work on being something for someone. I'm in college now, working for a future not only for myself, but for whoever else comes along in my life. It was you who made me realize that I can't sit on my ass any longer, hoping to make it through okay. In one fell swoop the two of you helped me break through some of the biggest barriers in my life. I wish I could say I did the same in return.

It's ironic that today I got a tattoo. I made the appointment a while ago, and didn't realize that it was on your birthday. The tattoo is on my ring finger and is a reminder of lessons I have learned. Painful lessons that I should never forget. Some of them you helped teach. They'll stay with me forever, now. Only when I cover this tattoo up with a ring will it come full circle, and when I do cover it up, I never want to see it again.

I've never seen nor heard you, yet I can say I loved you as dearly as I can love. That is, in part, why you wont know me.

Grow up strong and healthy, both in mind and body, and please be there for your mother. She needs you.