I Didn't Do It Over.

Here's a quick follow up on my previous post.

I ended up turning in what I had written, and hoped for the best. I ran out of time to do another one. Before I go on though, I'll post to original poem I had to base mine off of.

Pushing the Clouds Away, by Rod McKuen

Clouds or not the cheeks of angels you know
they're only clouds
Friendly sometimes,
but you can never be sure.
If I had longer arms
I'd push the clouds away
or make them hang above the water somewhere else,
but I'm just a man
who needs and wants,
mostly the things he'll never have.
Looking for that thing that's hardest to find.

I've been going a long time now
along the way I've learned some things.
You have to make the good times yourself
take the little times and make them into big times
and save the times that are all right
for the ones that aren't so good.

I've never been able
to push the clouds away by myself
Help me.

Please.

Now, as my teacher was passing out the graded poems, she was stopped a few times by people asking why they got bad scores. She told them that they strayed too far off topic, and that, apart from a few exceptions, you were generally supposed to stick with the clouds theme.

A theme I obviously threw out the window. I took some hefty liberties with this poem while I paraphrased it. I was sure that my paper wouldn't be returned with a poor score and a "You missed the point" note.

Turns out I was one of the exceptions. 5/5, perfect score. I was quite surprised. This was just one of two poems I had to do for that day, my other got 5/5 as well. On this one I had to follow the form of another poem exactly, but change the main subject. This turned out to be quite fun, as a picked an idea, and tweaked it around until it fit. Here it is:

The Ship, by Me

It is a rugged ship,
an old ship,
a rough and dirty ship;

It is a vessel
a boat,
a craft,
a sleeper at the docks,
a warrior of the waves;

It is a ship that rules the ocean
and the waters of all.

It comes with the waves and the wind,
It hacks at the water,
pounds the sea like an army,
and snatches the wind,
and instills the fear,
and defies the enemy;

It steals men's breath,
into statues they turn;
It is an ancient, brutal ship
and it never relents.