Happy Birthday

You turn two today. You will smile, laugh, and probably get cake all over your face. All the while completely oblivious. Oblivious to who I am and how the fact that you exist has changed me. You are not mine, never were nor will be, but you have no idea how ready, how close, I was.

You woke me up. Your mother had a big part to play in it, but I think it was you that really lit the fire in me to do something. I wanted to be something you wouldn't be disappointed with, something you deserved. While I'll never be anything to you, I work on being something for someone. I'm in college now, working for a future not only for myself, but for whoever else comes along in my life. It was you who made me realize that I can't sit on my ass any longer, hoping to make it through okay. In one fell swoop the two of you helped me break through some of the biggest barriers in my life. I wish I could say I did the same in return.

It's ironic that today I got a tattoo. I made the appointment a while ago, and didn't realize that it was on your birthday. The tattoo is on my ring finger and is a reminder of lessons I have learned. Painful lessons that I should never forget. Some of them you helped teach. They'll stay with me forever, now. Only when I cover this tattoo up with a ring will it come full circle, and when I do cover it up, I never want to see it again.

I've never seen nor heard you, yet I can say I loved you as dearly as I can love. That is, in part, why you wont know me.

Grow up strong and healthy, both in mind and body, and please be there for your mother. She needs you.

I Don't Like Wondering

I cancelled my WoW account last night. I think my final count was over 7 days played in level 24 (around 4 days in 23) with maybe 10-20 hours of that something other than waiting. It was hard, really hard, to click that confirm button.

It sounds like I'm talking about some weird addiction to being afk in WoW, but there are a couple of you who know what I'm really taking about.

I wish I had an explanation even if I probably know already. A goodbye at the least. I think I deserve one.

Not to be cheesy, but I have to close this post with Blue.

I'm glad to say that we've met
But I'm sad to say that the circumstances weren't
On our side

So go on
Go on be your own
Go on be your own star - What If We Could? by Blue October