Relative Positions

I was the one you let inside
Your solitary room
I was the one who took you on
Your first trip to the moon - First Trip, by The Nixons

Once again I'm sitting here at 4am, doing the blog.

Earlier tonight (well, last night now) I got hit with a fit of loneliness, I've been having it all week, but tonight hit me pretty hard. So I went outside to the front deck and sat in the porch swing, and took in the air and noises of the night.

It was a peaceful midnight, no sound other than the trees talking with the wind. I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and let my mind wander.

I was just starting to get my good thinking on when I heard the footsteps. Now I'm still a pretty recent addition to this little corner of town, having moved in last month. I'm still not sure about the people I live around, so I began to worry a bit. I didn't worry so much because of the people I live around, I worried because these footsteps were either attached to someone sprinting, or something with more than two legs, and they were approaching. Fast.
I froze, and tried to blend in with the porch swing while looking for the source of the footsteps with nothing but a dim streetlight and a few stars illuminating this now foreboding night. I scanned and saw nothing, but I knew it was close, whatever it was, and it's pace hadn't slowed. It wasn't until I peered at a little bunch of trees that I saw it moving behind them. It was a flash, I couldn't get any detail other than it was low to the ground.
Then it emerged from the trees and revealed the horror that had me wanting to curl into the fetal position and start crying. It took the form of a dog with a huge dopey grin on his face as he trotted. The face gave him away, he had just seen his woman and got some tail, and was sneaking back home, you can't get that dopey grin any other way.

After my heart stopped thumping, and my confidence that no one saw me cowering from a horny dog grew, I got back to thinking. About five minutes later the first puzzling thought came to my mind. "What the hell is the salt shaker doing out here?"

Having given up on trying to figure out the salt shaker's story, I resumed thinking about other things.
I thought about many things before I remembered that about a week ago I went to my ex girlfriend's site to see if anything had changed. Things had changed quite a bit. She was getting married. You know how weird it is to know that someone you had been engaged to before is getting married? It's quite weird. I am very happy for her none the less.
It got me to thinking about our relative positions in life. A few years after we split, she's getting married and traveling the world. Then there's me. I'm sitting here at 4am writing on a blog, still single, not traveling the world. Not doing anything.....Yet.
Quite a few things in my mind clicked when I saw that update on her site. I became even more determined to improve my life, and myself. I also became pretty lonely, as I said it's hit me all week. Of course listening to some of the music I have been lately hasn't helped that fact.
Being alone has always been my biggest fear in life. Loneliness is crippling to me. Things were looking bright for a bit as I was moving last month, but it seems unfortunate events have turned that light off for now. So I focus on other things when I can, but there's no escaping that time when you lay your head down to sleep. There's no stopping what my mind will think about, and of course it picks exactly what I've been trying to avoid. My mind is an asshole.

I look forward to the day where I can roll over and see the cure to my fears laying next to me. And I don't mean Harry, my pink stuffed rabbit.

All she needs is some chloroform
And she'll be mine
Chloroform the one, the one that you love - Flickerstick

If only it were that easy, Mr. Lea, if only.