The Thing of Day Dreams

So I was in bed reading Guards! Guards!, by Terry Pratchett and came across this passage that struck me. It made me smile, and also made me a bit lonely.

She smiled at him.
And then it arose and struck Vimes that, in her own and very special category, she was quite beautiful;this was the category of all the women, in his entire life, who had ever thought he was worth smiling at.She couldn't do worse, but then, he couldn't do better. So maybe it balanced out. She wasn't getting any younger, but then, who was? And she had style and money and common-sense and self-assurance and all the things that he didn't, and she had opened her heart, and if you let her she could engulf you; the woman was a city.
And eventually, under siege, you did what Ankh-Morpork (the city) had always done - unbar the gates, let the conquerers in, and make them your own.

RAWRAWR

RED SOX WIN RAWRAWRAWR! FACE!!

The Portal to Everywhere

I love to read. There's something about wanting to go to bed just so you can read until you can't keep your eyes open.

I view books as doors, portals to other places. When I look at a book, I wonder what world it will take me to. It gives them an almost magical quality. It's odd that somehow a stack of pages could contain a living, breathing world.

No matter what the medium is, be it movies or games, books will always be the best when you want to escape (along with music, of course). With movies you watch a story. In games you influence the story, but ultimately still watch. With books you are shoved into the story. You are a part of the world, because the book forces you to make the world in your mind. That is the difference, movies and games are witnessed with the eyes, books take place in the mind. The true holder of the statement "less is more". Not saying I don't like movies and games, quite the opposite in fact, I'm an avid movie goer and gamer. I'm just saying that books are where the true immersion in a story resides.

I view bookstores almost as hubs, with all these books connecting to different worlds and times. From the bookstore you can go anywhere you want. It's the same with libraries, but I don't like them as much. I like to own the books I read, and I don't like other people reading them. Just a little peeve of mine.

So go do yourself a favor. Buy a book and escape.

Hello.....

.... I'm a placeholder. People who waste their lives in MMO's (like the my author has) call me PH for short. I'm just sittin' here waitin' for the real post to show up, so don't mind me.

Huh?... What's the post about? I'm afraid I can't tell you, 'tis a secret. Honestly, though, I don't know what he plans on writin' this time. I doubt that even he fully knows. He's got some idea floatin' in his head 'bout the feelin of readin or some such thing, but I bet it turns into some big, long winded post like all his other big, long winded posts..... Don't tell him I said that though, he'll be mighty upset with me.

Don't mind me..... I'm just a placeholder.

Today = The Rawk

Today started off with a bad mood. This is the usual when I wake up at 1am after four hours of sleep. I was especially mad because I couldn't get back to sleep, and I had planned to do things today. I feared that I would fall victim to weariness and sleep before I had a chance to do what I wanted.

Luckily I had the EQ2 beta to keep me occupied.... sorta. It doesn't surprise me that a game from SoE is shitty. The game plays like shit, looks like shit, and runs like shit. Other than that its.... well, pretty shitty.

The morning went by surprisingly fast, and town time had come. I was wide awake for some reason, eager to go out. First stop was heroes Haven for a mag and a few inks. I chatted it up with Brett a bit, and he sold me some old Games Workshop calendar for a dollar. Because I need more stuff.

Speaking of more stuff I bought a new bronze monkey to go with my reading lamp. Ironically he is reading a book. And speaking of reading, my neice finally read the book we got her a while ago (and she liked it, rawk), so I went and got her a few more of the series.

In preparation for winter I stocked up on warm apparel. I bought a pair of pants, bringing my total up to two. I also bought some shoes and socks. For those that don't know me, this is pretty major. I haven't had a real pair of shoes or socks for years. Also, I plan on ordering a beanie tomorrow, to keep my little sensitive ears warm this winter.

I figured I'd go for a little change this year, with the shoes and beanie. I usually just go in a tshirt, shorts, and sandals everywhere I go, rain, shine, or snow. I guess I want to be more complete this year.... or maybe just warm. I may even buy a jacket /gasp. (note: last time I owned a jacket was in the 3rd grade)

On top of the clothes, I got two new cd's. Jimmy Eat World's Futures, and Breaking Benjamin's We Are Not Alone. I haven't heard the Breaking Benjamin yet, but Jimmy rules as usual. They remain one of the all time greatest bands to ever be.

Also, go see Team America: World Police right now. I can't remember any movie where I laughed non stop, from beginning to end. I laughed myself to lightheadedness, near vomiting, and somehow made my arm go numb. Any movie that can make you laugh until your extremities lose all feeling deserves the highest praise.

So yes, my day was good, thanks for asking.

How I Love to Hate You

You're
Not so brave
When I'm the snake
And you're my prey
Let me tell you I'll eat you all day
Alone in this desolate cave - James, by Blue October

I went to my grandma's today with my mom and chatted a bit then played some dominoes. On the way down we hit the hardest rain of the year so far, that I've seen. I realized how beautiful it was going down the freeway, rain coming down in sheets, cars throwing up plumes of water. I ended up just looking out the window, studying the hillsides and soaking in the scenery for the hour and a half drive. I'll miss the setting that Oregon provides when I leave, but other than that, I still hate Oregon.

Right now I have this sort of warm, cozy feeling. It's lightly drizzling outside. I'm sitting here, relaxing, and watching football. It's the kind of comfy I usually only get in mid December or so, where Christmas is coming, but the stress and craziness of it hasn't quite arrived. At the same time though, I feel somewhat uneasy. I'm not sure why.

On the way home I came to a realization while Listening to Blue October's Argue With a Tree.

I have mentioned before about my dislike for religion, and ignorance in general. I realized that I am one of those people that is holding a grudge against something. I have hated christianity and ignorant people since my childhood for all the times it has negatively effected my life, the latest time being in 2002. Every time I talk to someone about religion I end up getting all hot headed and start going off on rants. Clearly I have a grudge.

The truth is, christianity, religion, and ignorance don't effect my life anymore, not significantly at least. I make it effect my life by hating it so much. I need to find a way to let it go. It is petty on my part, and does nothing good for either side. Thing is, I don't know how. Every time I start thinking about stuff like that I end up getting mad and feuling my hatred even more. I really need to let this go so I don't become the ignorance that I hate.

Stuart Saves His Country

You know, I don't really consider myself overly political, but I have been watching the Al Franken Show on the Sundance Channel every night now for a week.

One little bit just made me happy. Al went over the bit of the debates where Kerry said that Bush stated in 2002 that he didn't think about Osama much, and wasn't really concerned about him. Bush then went on to say how he never said that, and kind of laughed.

Al, being awesome like he is, went on to show a clip. There was Bush at the podium. The year is 2002, and he states that he doesn't think about Osama much, and that he really wasn't concerned about him.

Kerry had quoted him exactly. I couldn't help but smile. Al then had John Lovitz's head pop up and go "LIAR!" lol.

My Great Escape

During my Junior High years I lived in Auburn, Calinfornia. These years proved to be some of the worst in my life. I went from a familiar school where I was well liked, to a truly horrible middle school named E.V. Cain. I turned into some hideous monster looking thing with a horrible haircut. Also, I was (and am) a huge geek. Needless to say I was a huge target of the bullies, and it seemed the whole school was bullies. When I say the situation there was downright terrifying, I mean it. The teachers were afraid of the students and the inmates ran the asylum. We had kids arrested on the school grounds for attempted murder. Kids taken away in an ambulance from an attack only to return confined to a wheelchair. Teachers weren't safe either. It wasn't good. Even my friends would stab me in the back, just to look cool.

I felt like the biggest outcast in the world (my christian school days contributing to that). I had no self esteem, and I was scared to death. I fell into a huge depression, borderline self multilation and suicide. I needed an escape, somewhere I could go and be myself and not feel alone.

One summer I went up to my brother's for the whole summer. That stands as one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made, since I basically just stayed home, did all the chores, then got blamed for stuff I have never, or never would do. It's no surprise that they still try and get some dirt on me to make me look bad (they haven't, but that didn't stop them from making stuff up).

Saying that, it is only fitting that I found the path to my escape while up there. It was near the end of my stay, and we were running a booth at the annual Turkey Day or whatever. I wandered the streets of town and saw a store that looked pretty cool. I went in not knowing that it would change my life. It was a hobby shop, selling the usual Magic: The Gathering card game, as well as others. That wasn't what caught my eye, though. There was a small shelf with pewter miniatures on it. Upon seeing them I got excited, and told the shopkeep (haha I'm a geek) that I used to paint them as a kid with my dad. He explained to me that not only where they great mini's, but they also went with a game where you collect armies and battle it out with friends on a table.

I stayed in that store for hours, eating up all the information that I could. The store owner even took me upstairs to the game room and showed me some armies people have collected, from then on I was hooked.

The door to Tabletop Gaming, Games Workshop, and miniature painting was opened to me.

The first thing I did when I got home was look up hobby stores that were close by. I ended up finding Great Escape Games in Sacramento, CA. As I walked in I gazed up shelf after shelf filled with wargaming and roleplaying products. If there was a heaven, I had just walked into it. The manager told me that every Friday is game night, and thus a tradition was born.

Every Friday I would go to the store and stay there all afternoon and well into the night, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. I didn't have an army of my own at the time, as it required a bit of money, so I didn't play Warhammer Fantasy or 40k as much. I did play the smaller GW games though, mostly a game called GorkaMorka. In Gorka you controlled a small band of orks in the far future in a Mad Max type setting, riding around in crude vehicles and basically trying to kill your opponent while collecting scrap. It was much fun, but sadly the game is now discontinued.

I had a regular gaming buddy I played with, who also introduced me to the painting aspect of the hobby. I remember that he used to do commission work with paintjobs for money. I didn't have any money, so I'd bribe him with mini's I had in my collection to paint my band of Orks. I still have the first mini he painted for me (the other stuff got lost during moves). Eventually I started to paint my own, and I'm just now getting good.

A lot of the time I'd just hang out and chat with all the gamers, and watch them play their games. One night a multiple Grand Tournament winner came in with his army that was painted by GW's 'Eavy Metal painting team. Was almost like meeting a celebrity for me, lol.

The store was in a small shopping center, and a few doors down was a Chinese take out place. I remember Friday nights as much for the smell as the actual gaming. The store allowed us to bring our food into the gaming rooms, and the sweet smell of teriyaki would fill up the place as we waged our little wars.

What I loved the most, though, were the people. I didn't feel out of place at all, and 99% of them were really friendly and fun. Sure a lot of us geeks have an odd outward appearance, and lack some social skills , but I can honestly say that wargamers are some of the best people I've had the privilege of hanging out with.

I felt like I was welcome in that store, mainly because I was. Even though I was the youngest by far, being 13 or 14 among people in their 20s - 40s, I still felt like I belonged. It was my escape from the hell of school and every day life.

After I discovered that store and the wargames therein I began to climb out of my depression. I was no longer completely alone as I had found some kindred spirits. I got happy again.

When I heard that we were moving back to Oregon I was torn. I was happy to get away from Auburn, but I didn't want to leave my friends at Great Escape Games. I was afraid that I wouldn't find a store where people played at again.

My fears were confirmed as I haven't played a single game since moving back. I ended up going fully into the painting aspect of the hobby, but I still want to find a group of people to game with again. Having a driver's license will help with that a lot, as I can go out on my own more often. Hopefully in Texas (next year maybe) it will be an easier hunt.

Sigh

"Hey Frank, ya see the debate?"

"No, I can't afford a TV."

"Oh man, it was good, Iraq is gonna be great after we help them. Then after that we can help Iran, and the whole world, isn't it great?"

"My mother can't afford her insurance, so she can't get her heart transplant. My kids can't read. I work 60 hours a week and can't pay my bills."

The above is kind of how I feel about how these debates are going. We've heard about Iraq, and the war over and over again. How much have we heard about home? It's as if America isn't that high of a priority. It's really disheartening.

I'm voting for Kerry, if only to get Bush out of office, but I feel even that isn't the answer. If I vote for someone, I want to be confident that they will be a good leader, and go in the right direction. I don't feel that confident. I have never had much faith in the government, but now it seems that we're more interested in policing the world than improving and fixing our quality of life at home.

I don't really know what to do other than hang on for the ride. This is why I usually don't like following politics. It's saddening.

Hopefully the debates will start touching on home issues.

EDIT: The debate finally did touch on some domestic stuff, which is good. I just get overly frustrated when all I hear about is how we're gonna help everyone else, when we need it just as much.

Leopard Skin = Spiffy

Krissy likes her new house. She also tries to eat it...

Libraries

A while ago Hearshot and I found a site called Guzzlefish. Guzzlefish is a site where you can put up your Cd, Dvd, and game collections for all to see and make fun of. It was awesome when we first found it, but eventually we realized that the database was missing a lot of our stuff. We ended up being a couple of the top contributors to the site, but eventually abandoned it due to it not being as good as we hoped for.


Ever since I have been wanting to put up my collections, but haven't found a good place to. Today I came across Sonic Swap, which looks similar. I have registered and will try it out once I get the confirmation email.

I'm more than tempted to just manually make my collection in html and find some place to put it up. If I do that, I could do a ton of stats and everything with it, and get as detailed as I want, which is very appealing.

We'll see.

Stuff Has Been Getting Done, Permission to Gasp Granted

I should be trying to sleep right now. I should've been in bed about an hour ago according to my current schedule. Instead I am sitting here knowing that there's a a lot of things I need and want to do, and sleeping makes me feel like I'm missing out on doing them. It's weird, I know, I have to sleep, there's nothing wrong with it, but I hate going to sleep when I feel like this. There is stuff to study, books to read, minis to paint, blogs to write.... well, I'm doing that one, but you get the point.

I have spent most of today studying miniature painting. Reading articles on techniques, looking at painted minis, ect. I started painting that one mini again. I got sidetracked when Hearshot came to visit, and haven't gone back to it until now. I tried finishing up the black parts today, but wasn't pleased with my highlights, so I covered it back up and will try again tomorrow.

In driving I have made lots of progress. After I got my permit I didn't really do anything other than drive on some back roads. I was too timid to try any of the main streets. It was that way up until that talk I had with my mom when I was feeling down on my confidence. Since then I have been driving like crazy. I now drive my mom everywhere, and driving is becoming really comfortable for me, something I never thought would happen.

We were going to go to Roseburg today, and I wanted to drive there, but my mom wouldn't let me, which was a tad aggravating. More on Roseburg in a minute. Tomorrow I plan on getting on the freeway for the first time. The freeway was my biggest fear about driving, and I'm still a tad nervous about it, but I have to learn sometime and I'm tired of having "sometime" never come. I hope to have my license within the week, but I'm not setting a solid deadline on it. I'll get it when I feel ready to.

So, about the trip to Roseburg. I wanted to pick up the latest copy of White Dwarf magazine, as I've been wanting to get familiar with the wargaming scene again (with my license, I'll have much more freedom to seek out gaming clubs). We went to my usual stop, Hero's Haven. I love Hero's Haven, I have been going there for years and always have fun conversations with the owner. When we got there I remembered that they are closed on Sundays.

Disappointed we started for my second choice, Gamer's Edge. Gamer's Edge was my best hope of finding a gaming group to start playing again, but alas, when we arrived, I find out that they had closed down for good. This was a huge letdown, as this was one of the places that helped drive me towards getting my license. I was looking forward to finally going back to my gaming glory days of California. California on the whole were some of the worst years of my life, mentally, but the gaming every Saturday at Great Escape Games in Sacramento remain some of the best memories I have. I could write a whole post on that store and it's people alone. I probably will in the coming days.

That's all from me for now. I'm either going to try and sleep, or sit here thinking of stuff to do, and be too tired to do them.

Stupid October

I want it to stay September. Not because I like the month itself, but because I really like the September page on my calendar. It was quite..... nice, and October is a disappointment now.

I'll miss you September /sniffles

I also had another crazy dream I'll probably write up. It's about an alien invasion of sorts, so stay tuned.