Friday, July 22, 2005

Illumination.

I'm tired of being negative.

As you can see, the 4th turned out to be great. I didn't mind sitting out with Kara at all. It probably did me some good, getting some fresh air with nothing to do but think. You can never get enough time to think, about life, about family, and yourself. I did a ton of the inward thinking while in California. I thought about things I'd like to improve about myself, I thought so much I ended up finally crying, quietly as to not wake up mom of course, but still, I cried. I haven't cried since 2002, and oddly enough I think I was listening to the same Elton John cd. This negativity was a part of it, but there were others, which I'll get to at a later date.

It came to a head that night, and I really got it set in my mind to try and change my thinking. I can tell that I've made progress, I'm feeling more confident in my abilities, and bolder in my actions with others. Confidence has always been a battle for me, and getting into a more positive frame of mind has certainly helped.

I'm going to change my posting style. I'm thinking of making weekly posts. I want to do more stories, or articles. A week will give me enough time to cook up an idea, and nurture it into a (hopefully) good, long post. I'm still going to write about pretty much anything, going to try and broaden what I write about actually.

I'm also going to try to brighten up this blog. That's something I used to be really proud of, and was known for. Always the light hearted and happy go lucky type, I want that back. No more venting here, and yes, I know blogs are great places to vent, but I want my blog to be something you'll actually enjoy reading, and something I'll enjoy writing. I do most of my venting at Rob anyway lol. I have a ton of ideas on what to write (yes, that article on geek culture is still there), be it a work of fiction, or an observation of society.

I think I've made a post like this before, but that didn't have conviction, it was more a desperate attempt to trigger something, something that has already been triggered this time. Nowadays I'm feeling motivated, and very positive, despite everything that's happened this year. If I drank I'd have some champagne right now.

I'm going to look into a new template, and will cook up a new title, as I'm feeling like change, both here and in myself.

1 Comments:

At 1:52 PM, Blogger Mister Nobody said...

I'm happy for you bro. I did the same about 4 months ago and I can say it makes you feel better. It's a hard thing to keep up cause it's like a bad habbit. If you ever feel down I'll like hurt myself or something to make you laugh.

 

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