I Feel Good.

I went to bed early tonight, and got about an hour of sleep. During that hour I had a dream about moving to a place I had never been before. Snow was everywhere, and I was with the woman of my dreams. I had moved to be with her, and she was about to introduce me to her family. We were in front of a giant house.

She wore a blue and black dving suit to help deal with the cold, while I wore a giant fur coat and a captain's hat. I felt awkward and out of place, and nervous about this meeting. I'm also cold. My coat apparently doesn't work nearly as well as the diving suit.

The front door opens and I tense up. A bunch of people come out, all in diving suits, leaving me as the oddly dressed one. They all hug the woman I'm with, then her mother (I'm guessing) looks at me. The look seemed to last forever, but then she finally smiled and gave me a giant hug. All the coldness, tension and awkwardness faded from me instantly. I felt perfectly at home. I belonged there.

---

I've been up since that dream. My mind is absolutely racing, more than ever. It's seems to be trying to think of everything at once. Good things, bad things, little and big things. Atleast there are more good things right now than bad. Actually I'm hard pressed to find anything that's really bad. Let me just air some of this out.

This year has potentially completely life changing possibilities for me. Changes that could scare me, maybe they would've scared me a few years ago. I am not scared, but I am eager. Eager to jump in, and make the most of everything. Thick or thin, rain or shine, rich or poor. I want it. Totally and completely. I have never been this driven, motivated, or confident. I could rule the world if I wanted to, but that wont do.

My mother hugs me an tells me that she has the upmost confidence in my decisions, knowing that I will do what is best for me. My dad would just smile, and tell me to go for it, knowing I can make it through anything. For the first time I agree with them. I know what is best for me, and I know that no matter what, I'll come through. No matter how hard things can get, and I know things will get hard.

So I'm reaching. Grasping for what I know is the best. Waiting for that hand to grab mine and pull me into the light...

"By the way
By your side I'll stay
If that's okay
Then by your side I'll stay forever
Here I'm standing up
Because I want to fall in love with you

A sunless day
It was a clumsy card house rape
If that's okay
Then by your side I'll stay forever

Here I am standing up
Because I want to fall in love with you
Forever
Here I am standing up
Because I want to fall in love

All our kids will play
A sunless day
The rain will come
The rain always brings our heroes
All our kids will play
A sunless day
The rain will come
The rain always brings our heroes

Believe in heroes" - Clumsy Card House, by Blue October.

I am smiling.