The Bottomless Pit

There are times when I absolutely despise sleeping. For a period of a week or two sleeping takes on a whole new dimension for me that takes me out of myself.

This is one of those times. One of those phases. It's lasted four days now...hoping it ends soon.

It's not the problem I have when I can't get to sleep, I sleep easily. It's what the sleep does to me. Particularity when I'm just falling asleep, and waking up.

I'll explain the waking up part, or try to, since that's really what affects the going to sleep the next night. When sleeping is like this, I halfway wake up about three to four hours before I actually get up. I am aware of being awake, yet I'm still in a dreary dream state. I can't escape this dream state. I say escape because that's what it feels like I'm trying to do for those three or four hours. I try to wake up, to escape, but I can't.

It feels like I have been locked up in a padded cell, but in my mind. I can feel my bed, see the sun barely coming up, hear my cat purring, but that's distant. Like a dim memory coming to me as a wallow in my cell, fighting with the random thoughts that loop over and over.

Eventually I am able to break free, and wake up, but the effect lingers. It takes me a long time to fully feel like myself again, and sometimes it lasts the whole day, making it seem like it was made from shades of grey. It's worse if I wake up before the normal actions of day have started. That just lets the cell carry over and stay with me until things get normal. I could be sitting here at my computer, but the cell is there, with it's door open, inviting me to come back in.

Luckily this doesn't happen often, I usually love mornings, but for now I dread sleeping for fear of how long I'll be laying there in bed, half conscious and looking at my ceiling, while my mind loops over and over for what seems like days.

I'm extremely tired tonight, so I'm not proof reading this, so forgive the shittier than usual wording.

The End Is Here....

Currently playing on HBO: Spice World

Currently playing on HBO2: You Got Served

If there was ever a time to get violently murdered, then this is it. And I recommend a buddy system, if everyone murders two people before they themselves are murdered, then it would be a lot more efficient.

This is not a drill.

Home Away From Home.

This last week has been quite the week. Not in the good way, unfortunately.

My mom was visiting my dad down in California (where he lives and works) all last week. They were scheduled to come back either today, or tomorrow. That didn't happen.

On Monday I get a rather frantic call from my mom, first thing I hear is, "We're at the hospital, Dad can't breath." This shook me up pretty good, but I found out that he was stable and they were working on him at the time. We didn't know what was wrong at all, he's had some breathing problems for the past few weeks, but never like this.

So here I was, hundreds of miles away only knowing that my dad was in bad shape. They were the only ones down there, so Mom didn't have anyone there to help or anything, and I felt completely helpless. I still feel helpless.

They ran all sorts of tests on him, and found a nice variety of things wrong, including Chronic Obstructive Pulminary Disease, and signs of Congestive Heart Failure. They also found a mass in his lungs, which made them fear cancer, but it looks like that's just scar tissue from his childhood. So far, we are told, everything is treatable.

They are still in the hospital. Yesterday and today they are running tests to pinpoint where his heart is at. Mom's hoping they can come home Monday, but that's a big if. I am feeling alot better now that they seem to be getting on top of what's happening, but godamn, this week has been a ride I didn't want to go on. I had the fear of not seeing my dad again for a while, and even retelling that feeling makes all things dark and horrible. Fortunately, I need not fear that for a long while now. Luckily Rob was around to help me escape and brighten things up. The week would've been unbearable without em.

I hope this is the last medical post I make in a very long time. I'm so tired of bad news.

Set To Foliage

If yer keeping track, you may know that I've been doing a bit of yard work recently. Well, trying to atleast. Oregon weather is very hard to work with, so I've had to do the work in the windows of time that it gave me. Today is a great example. It's been pretty sunny, so I pull myself away from watching Benny Hill (who is just as awesome as I remember) to do some work.

First hitch in my plan was my boots. I leave em outside so I don't track shit all over the carpet, and I put em under shelter so they wont get rained on. You can say this worked with a success rate of 50%. One boot was perfectly dry, the other was soaked. So soaked in fact, that I was able to pour water out of it, about a half a cup of it.

I reluctantly go inside and get my regular shoes on. Come back out, and get the weedeater started on the first go. Fucking awesome, I thinks to myself, since the weedeater is a pain in the ass to get started. I go to start weedeating, still happy about it starting so easily, and what happens? It starts pouring.

So I took a few pics instead.

Here's what I've done so far.

What's left to do.

Damaged Purple.

Don't mind the wrist strap.

Threats in the Fog

So I get home after a long day of kids in walmart to find a few pictures stuck in my door. One of which is this:


Needless to say, this was odd. This is a picture of the house that stood on this lot before mine. Guess what happened to it?

It kind of worried me, because about a week after we moved here someone tried to burn down some apartments a few houses down the street. I had no idea who put these there, nor the reasons, but it seemed nefarious.

I went to the one person who would have any idea about this.....My neighbor from across the street, Patty, former member of the Vigilantes of Justice in Myrtle Creek. Her husband answered the door, and he thought I was talking about their house, until Patty came over and said she had put them there. She didn't realize until after the fact that putting random pictures of burning houses in someone's door seemed threatening and scary.

So I found out the who...so....the reasons?.....She thought we would like to see them.

So Much For That...

I just fucking wrote a bigass post about how my headache, and the weather, ruined my plans to do something for my parents while they were away. I also wrote about how I have a bunch to write about, but don't feel like playing Xenosaga, or reading comics, let alone writing.

So why isn't it up? Because Blogger is a big pile of fucking shit lately and erased my post due to an internal server error. Now I got a headache and I'm pissed. hoofuckingray.

John Paul Croaked......

....Now it's time for Battle Pope!

Holy Father Harassing Hookers In Heaven

So, the pope died. And I'm gonna write something about it. Right now all the religious people who know me are cringing. What could a blaspheming, religion hating heretic like me have to say about the pope's death? Well, I could joke about it, sure, that's easy enough, nothing's sacred enough to be spared from my jokes. I don't intend on joking about the pope in this post, though. I want to give some of my thoughts

One of the big things that sets him apart from other religious leaders (and most followers), is that I dont outright hate him, he's not my favorite person in the world by far, but I don't despise him.

In a system filled to the brim with corruption and greed, he was the guy with all the power (and power = corruption). Hell, he probly had all the power in the world. A man with that kind of power could abuse the fuck out of it, and really cause a lot of harm. He didn't though, I know he must've abused little bits here and there, I mean come on, he's a religious leader, but he didnt abuse like he could've. That alone makes him a man apart from his lifestyle.

He has pulled a lot of strings and really has helped the world out in a lot of ways. And really, he's been pretty humble about it, as far as I know. Sure he's treated like god and shit, but I feel that's more the people that follow him, and his title, than his own doing. There are tons of religous leaders that act like they are doing good for the world, but that's mostly PR bullshit, but I feel this pope really cared, and thus, really helped.

I really dread this next guy. I feel we were all really lucky that we had John Paul for so long. Now we're gonna get some dude that charges people to see him and outlaws heavy breathing.

So, it turns out that I didn't have much to say, but ehh, I never spent a lot of time thinking about the pope lol.

Okay, I'm done, need to go back to normal............religion is shitty.....ahh, much better.

It's...The Tainted Source....It's...Saidin...

I mentioned a few times that my computer had a heart attack. Well, I'm pretty sure I know the problem, and the fix is on it's way, but lets take a look at how this came to be.....

It was about a week ago and my keyboard started to randomly turn on and off. This was odd, because it doesn't have an on and off switch.... it's on as long as the computer is on. Here it was though, randomly turning off. A few days pass and it gets so bad I decide to plug it directly into a usb port. When I do this, the keyboard seems to be fine.... but my mouse stops working. Now I'm getting a little angry, and more than a little confused.

A day or so goes by, and I'm talking to Rob about how long it took the pope to die or something, when my mouse and keyboard stop working. Rob's in the middle of typing something (as MSN pointed out), though, so I waited till he finished to restart. I keep waiting. I wait some more. Normally I'd try to see if the program stopped responding, but alas, my mouse wouldn't work. It's then that I realized that my entire computer froze up for the first time since I built it. So I restart and everything's working again. Rob and I resume joking about the expope.

On Tuesday it freezes again. I restart, and within five minutes it freezes yet again. So I restart again and rush to open msn messenger to switch my name to "Computer May Be Dying", as to let people know what's up. When I open the options tab, and click on the name, it freezes. I get pissed and flip off the screen, an act usually reserved for really cheap bosses in RPG's. I restart again.... it freezes. This is when I notice that my little green on light is dim. I restart again and watch it. It starts off as bright as ever, then dims a bit, and then it dimmed a lot and the computer screen went to black. Then the familiar smell of burning things entered my congested nostrils, so I immediately pull out the power cord and declare the computer dead for the time being.

During all of this I am getting extremely pissed off. When I get extremely pissed off at something that isn't working, I punch it. I didn't want to punch my computer, so I looked around for the most convenient things to punch. One of which was my dad's Rod Stewart cd. So I grab it, toss it into the air, and proceed to punch it into the wall, shattering the case. Not satisfied I continue punching things,like my calculator, the file cabinet, and an old keyboard I had laying around.

And thus, after much thinking and cooling down, I am almost positive that the power source fizzled on me, so hopefully that's the fix. I ordered a new snazzy tower with an even better powersource and it should be here either Saturday, or early next week. Hopefully I'll be back to my normal computer soon, and then I can go back to bitching about it instead.

The Typical Crap

I didn't want to do another of these posts, but I should get it over with.

My sister went to a doctor today about her neck. This wasn't the normal doctor, she had to go through a big hassle in order to get a referral. The result was exactly not what we wanted to hear. After all this time, and after her shitbag surgeon would refuse again and again so see her, saying she's completely fine, she is the opposite. Her neck is still broken. Two vertebrae have fused, one is in the process, but the other hasn't even started. This whole time she was told she was healed, but her neck was still broken. Needless to say she's back in the brace, and I'm sure for her that's a nightmare come true. She now has an appointment with a surgeon, to see what she could and should do. I believe she also has an appointment with a lawyer, to see what we can do about the obvious neglect and endangerment from her original surgeon. From what I've heard, my sister is hardly the first case like this from that doctor, but alas, he's the only neurosurgeon in our area, so we had no choice.

As I posted before, my dad had his surgery, which went very well. He had to go back to work within the week, though. In turn he acquired walking pneumonia, so he is extremely worn out, and on a bunch of meds, but still has to work. His boss just recently had him take over someone else's job too, so how he's lead mechanical engineer, as well as lead optical engineer. It's great that he's genius enough to do that, and he enjoys it, but that's a ton of work, and he hasn't gotten a raise in pay. So he's doing two jobs for the price of one, while being very sick. That will change in the near future, hopefully, as my dad is the heart of that company, and if he wants a raise, then he should be able to get it. We just need to get him back to his normal feeling self.

Also, my mom's Trigeminal Neuralgia came back. An Explanation of TN from the site:

"TN (Trigeminal Neuralgia / tic douloureux) is a disorder of the fifth cranial (trigeminal) nerve that causes episodes of intense, stabbing, electric shock-like pain in the areas of the face where the branches of the nerve are distributed - lips, eyes, nose, scalp, forehead, upper jaw, and lower jaw. By many, it's called the "suicide disease". Something as simple and routine as brushing the teeth, putting on makeup or even a slight breeze can trigger an attack, resulting in sheer agony for the individual. Trigeminal neuralgia (TN) is not fatal, but it is universally considered to be the most painful affliction known to medical practice."

Her pills to keep it away have worn off, and we're desperately trying to find some that work. If none do, then it's brain surgery. Also, she has to get a tooth pulled tomorrow. Not exactly a good time for her, atleast she got over the flu she had for the past week.

All that and my computer giving up on me, 2005 is shaping up to be a winner of a year. All I need now is a girlfriend to keep telling me how useless I am, then fall for a missionary.

Ok, now that I vented a bit, I should be back to normal asinine posts. Rejoice.

Haha, I Called You Guys A Troop

RIP Computer says:
i'll post today

A Disaster Waiting says:
you got a lot to post about atm

RIP Computer says:
i got plenty to post on lol

RIP Computer says:
FAG

This happens way more than I feel is normal. And yes, I do have a lot to post about. For one, my computer took a big shit in my Cocoa Puffs, and I thought it was just regular chocolate milk. So I stole my mom's computer until I fix whatever the hell is wrong with mine. More details later.... including me kicking Rod Stewart's ass.

...... wtf, I just realized that the space key on this keyboard is on backwards.....

Rob brought up an excellent point earlier about me starting the blog thing that's swept our little troop, and how, subsequently, I ended up being the one who posts the least. That kinda bothers me because these blogs have become somewhat of a little community between us, and I really enjoy that aspect of it. Me being the guy that's half a country away, it makes me feel a little closer to where I'd rather be. And really, with me not posting anything it's like I'm secluding myself in a way. I've become a lurker among people I know.

Why haven't I been posting? Simple answer: laziness. Complicated answer: refer to the simple one. As noted above, I have plenty to write about, and once I get going I'm told that I can actually write something halfway bearable. So I'll try more often. Not a regular schedule like I tried when I started, but if I have something to write about, I'll do it. But you have to promise to cuddle afterwards. And make sammiches...