Holy Hernia.

This last Christmas my grandma got me a present that has kind of baffled me.

I think it's pretty well known that I am not religious, but it seems that my grandma doesn't quite get it yet. You see, she got me a cross pendant, hoping that I'd wear it proudly. Well, there are two reasons why I wouldn't wear it, the first of which is obvious. The second reason is because the thing is HUGE! You could hang it on a wall and no one would be the wiser.

While trying to figure out what to do with it today, I tried it on. I didn't burst into flames, which is a good sign, but I think I damaged my neck. Damn thing is heavy.

.....Dad just called me to tell me about how fun making pizza is.

Anyway, I took a picture. I'm not sure why, maybe to have proof that yes, at one point in my life I actually had a cross around my neck. Do not expect to see something like this often:
Listen closely and you can hear my muscles tearing and my neck snapping as I strain to lift Gravity's Favorite Cross.

I put it down and it made a crater. The Crater of Christ is in my office.

Smile.

This is a poem
About something in my head.
Something I want to say,
So I put it here to be read.

It's about hope and happiness,
playing in the yard on a snowy day.
It's about love and togetherness,
Even if you are many miles away.

It has dreams of families,
Children going every which way.
Mommies and Daddies,
Always smiling, even with lots of bills to pay.

In this poem lies my heart,
It's on my sleeve, always on display.
So come in close, it has something to say...
It's trying to tell you that everything will be okay.

Harry.

Who is Harry?

Harry is a pink stuffed rabbit. He's been with me since I was born. It's a miracle that he's survived this long. I've recently had him repaired actually. His head was hanging on by a few threads, and he had lost most of his stuffing. Now he is as good as new.

Harry is a reminder. I have kept him for a reason. He is a symbol of what I want out of life. I keep him with me so that I don't lose sight of it. I did for a little while in recent years, and Harry fell by the side. I've recently put him back where he belongs.

Most importantly, Harry is a gift. From me to my first born child. I have been waiting all my life to give him away. The day I pass Harry along is the day my life truly becomes complete. The day I wait ever so diligently for.

Thank you, Harry. You give me hope.

Thinking Out Loud.

I've been thinking of stopping weekly comics recently. I'm way behind in my reading, and I don't really have the time right now. I have over a month's worth of comics waiting to be read. I should probably just buy Trades (collections of 4-10) only from now on. It's easier....no weekly build up, cheaper in the long run, and easier to store.

I also want to get more Graphic Novels. Super heroes are fun (though rarely now), but I love the original stuff. This caught my eye the other day. There's also the Bone all in one collection. And the complete Peanuts. A bunch of stuff that's just more appealing to me right now than the Big Two trying to out-crisis each other.

I mentioned this to Brett when I was in the store. He asked me where my time was going. I just grinned.

What To Do At 3am.

Draw a crappy comic showing how you used to entertain yourself.

Mrs. Wolfer Shooshed Me.

Today is Valentine's Day! That means I spend the majority of the day at my niece's school helping with the parties that go on. I also cause trouble, of course. The thing I was best at in school was getting into trouble, and it seems that hasn't changed.

Holly had given me a little pink pinwheel made of hearts, so I stuck it in my shirt and goofed off a bit. I didn't realize that Mrs. Wolfer was trying to get the class to be quiet until everyone was looking at me. Mrs. Wolfer had the look on her face that every teacher I have ever known has given me a thousand times, so I shut my mouth and looked innocent, like I had done thousands of times. The kids thought this was a riot.

After school was out, and we were cleaning up, mom pulled me to the side and asked me which desk would be mine in this class. I looked around a bit, then saw one desk, all by itself, away from the other kids and close to the teacher. Right away I point at that one, and she laughs and nods her head...... I've never known when to stop joking.

Oh yeah, pictures.

Misty and Haleigh. Misty shouldn't be bending herself like that, damnit.

OMG! PUT HER DOWN YOU MADMAN!!@!@

I Feel Good.

I went to bed early tonight, and got about an hour of sleep. During that hour I had a dream about moving to a place I had never been before. Snow was everywhere, and I was with the woman of my dreams. I had moved to be with her, and she was about to introduce me to her family. We were in front of a giant house.

She wore a blue and black dving suit to help deal with the cold, while I wore a giant fur coat and a captain's hat. I felt awkward and out of place, and nervous about this meeting. I'm also cold. My coat apparently doesn't work nearly as well as the diving suit.

The front door opens and I tense up. A bunch of people come out, all in diving suits, leaving me as the oddly dressed one. They all hug the woman I'm with, then her mother (I'm guessing) looks at me. The look seemed to last forever, but then she finally smiled and gave me a giant hug. All the coldness, tension and awkwardness faded from me instantly. I felt perfectly at home. I belonged there.

---

I've been up since that dream. My mind is absolutely racing, more than ever. It's seems to be trying to think of everything at once. Good things, bad things, little and big things. Atleast there are more good things right now than bad. Actually I'm hard pressed to find anything that's really bad. Let me just air some of this out.

This year has potentially completely life changing possibilities for me. Changes that could scare me, maybe they would've scared me a few years ago. I am not scared, but I am eager. Eager to jump in, and make the most of everything. Thick or thin, rain or shine, rich or poor. I want it. Totally and completely. I have never been this driven, motivated, or confident. I could rule the world if I wanted to, but that wont do.

My mother hugs me an tells me that she has the upmost confidence in my decisions, knowing that I will do what is best for me. My dad would just smile, and tell me to go for it, knowing I can make it through anything. For the first time I agree with them. I know what is best for me, and I know that no matter what, I'll come through. No matter how hard things can get, and I know things will get hard.

So I'm reaching. Grasping for what I know is the best. Waiting for that hand to grab mine and pull me into the light...

"By the way
By your side I'll stay
If that's okay
Then by your side I'll stay forever
Here I'm standing up
Because I want to fall in love with you

A sunless day
It was a clumsy card house rape
If that's okay
Then by your side I'll stay forever

Here I am standing up
Because I want to fall in love with you
Forever
Here I am standing up
Because I want to fall in love

All our kids will play
A sunless day
The rain will come
The rain always brings our heroes
All our kids will play
A sunless day
The rain will come
The rain always brings our heroes

Believe in heroes" - Clumsy Card House, by Blue October.

I am smiling.

What Scrap Paper Is Used For.

This is what happens when I let my mind wander while studying.

Kaine Mounts Dazzo.

Some WoW tomfoolery.

Redghost is gonna be so happy with me. Take that, censorship.

SUCCESS!!

I'm so pretty.

Basketball and Stomach Pain.

I had forgotten how tiny school toilets are.

I went over to Misty's this morning because Haleigh had her second basketball game of the year. She made me an egg and cheese bagel, which I had with a glass of milk. Since my stomach is more sensitive than two spooning interior decorators, this caused me some internal problems. So instead of watching the warm ups, I was trying to go to the bathroom in a toilet that Barbie could use.

I didn't miss any of the game, though, and I took some pictures. Only a few, as my camera went dead right on cue. The lighting wasn't very good, and I didn't want to use flash, so some are a bit blurry.

JUMP!!@1

Haleigh looks good in pink. Don't tell her I said that. I'd be a dead man.

Babies love the big guy with the funny face.

Gotta love it when the game's barely over, and someone takes your picture.

I'm off to go grocery shopping, cheers.

:)

Another Wonderful Day.

The neighbors enjoyed me in my pajamas.

Picture Things.

I love pictures. I love sharing pictures, and take every opportunity to push my pictures onto people. So here are some random pictures I've taken.

I think Rob told me to be artsy with trash or something. So I did. Not too bad. (4/19/05)

I wish it snowed more. I LOVE SNOW. (1/8/05)

Dad is awesome. (12/24/04)

My Christmas hair. I don't take drugs. (12/22/04)

Krissy helps wrap gifts. (12/20/04)

The infamous Riddle/Tri City/Myrtle Creek truck parade. On acid. (12/11/04)

That's all for now. :)

One Step Away....

Today happened to be one of the best days I've had...I think ever.

Woke up, feeling good. Feeling like getting something done. I took a look around to see what I could do, and I realized the back patio and the driveway need to be powerwashed in the worst way. I mean it was the prettiest shade of green you've ever seen.

So I get the old powerwasher going and get to work. Back patio was first. It took about an hour and a half, and three tanks of gas, but it was fun work. Active, mindless work. The kind I like. Work I can do while getting lost in my thoughts.

I kept waiting for my back to protest, but it never did. I must've lost enough weight to relieve it of some stress. This cheered me up quite a bit....if I could even cheer up any more. I didn't have to take any painkillers, and was hopping all over the place all day. Neighbours have to think I'm insane. I jumped up and down the stairs and a few times and started laughing because nothing broke. It felt GREAT. I feel I'm in the best shape of my life.

So I move the washer to the driveway, and realize that it is a beautiful day. The kind that makes you stop and just take it all in. I went up to the porch, sat in the swing, and just looked at the pretty. That moment... it was one step away from perfect. The slight creak of the swing, the cool breeze, the incredible view. One more thing and the world would explode, because it couldn't react to how I would've felt.

This frame of mind I'm in, the way I feel right now. I feel I can do anything. I've wracked my brain to try and remember ever feeling like this, and honestly, I can't. After all these years of shit, it's like the clouds have finally parted and the sun's starting to peek through. Everything is bright.

Things are looking better for my family too. Misty finally, FINALLY, got a lawyer who has taken her case, and news from the oil is expected at any time now (have to get Dad to call them again).

The future looks so bright right now. Could this really be the end of that horrible chapter?

Prepare Yourself....

This is probably the single greatest work of art I have ever done. I could devote the rest of my life to creating a better masterpiece, but would come up empty handed.

I present to you, The Digestive (and some Circulatory) System of a Dragon:

Well...

Listening to the rip of my dad's Pulse album by Pink Floyd, and this song just punched me in the face.

"Coming Back To Life"

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And I headed straight..into the shining sun

.....Holy Crap.